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Northern Aggression

August 21, 2009

Since taking my braids out many people have asked me what my hair looks like now. Well, my dear blog readers, there are only two words to describe it: CIVIL WAR!

Since November of 2008, the Northern forces of natural hair have been gathering strength and growing their troops en masse while the Southern forces of relaxed hair have been rallying for secession from the Great Union of My Head. However, the Yankees on the North side of the very very vividly drawn line of demarcation are quite cognizant of the fact that they are not quite long enough on their own to truly fill out a set of braids and thus would like to retain their chemically altered country persons to the South.
Significant casualties resulted from the braid removal process (typical), the aftermath of which makes my bedroom floor look like Antietam. However, after a Miss Jessie’s Rapid Recovery Treatment deep conditioning, both sides were appeased and able to resume a mainly peaceful existence in the form of two french braids (the likes of which, this head has not seen since age 4). During this interim period, I took the time to have a stylist get some intel for me about whats going on in the North. So far we have about 3-inches and counting of new, super healthy natural growth.

A 10-hour Peace Talk/Braiding Summit is scheduled for this Sunday and will be mediated by Ifeoma, who has been very successful in the past in calming the tensions between the two sides by using her top-notch braiding skills.

We all know how this story plays out in American history, but here I’m projecting a different out come: eventually the South will be forced to secede by way of The Big Chop, never to rise again and the North will live happily, naturally ever after.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. TAMMYANKA permalink
    August 24, 2009 3:36 pm

    too funny….will be in touch soon.

  2. Mark Gaffney permalink
    August 28, 2009 5:55 am

    Have I mentioned yet that I really like the "southern" look? I think so. But again, I do. In fact, next time the braids come out, can we go out together with your hair down? Then I will count and let you know if you receive more than usual hoots and "daaammmn"s or just about the typical one per person on the street.

  3. Ana permalink
    January 29, 2010 9:06 pm

    Go Yankees!

  4. Dana permalink
    February 17, 2010 9:33 am

    omg i love this analogy of you hair and the civl war!! too funny!! 😉

    • February 17, 2010 3:14 pm

      …its the only way to describe what was going on on my head @ the time! glad you appreciated it!!

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